Just a few images from Thailand to keep you entertained, awed or amused.
First up is a shop with chillies.
When I say 'dry red chillies' it sounds reasonable. Then when you go to buy them it's not as simple as you thought…….
Then there's the chicken.
Fried chicken is everywhere.
You have KFC, supermarket, local market, or street hawker.
It's not just breast or leg – you can also get feet, heads, gizzards, skin, hearts, maybe even minds too.
You can pop down to the chicken vendors and ask to get a little head…….and they'll be happy to give you a whole bag full.
Rice. The staple of Thailand.
Don't expect to get off easily. Which grade of rice would you like?
It's also easy to find a little pussy in Thailand.
Cats and dogs everywhere, and I always get sidetracked by the kittens.
Is there anything cuter than a kitten?
Doesn't look in the best of shape – but still. Awwwwwwwwwwwww.
Som Tam. The green papaya salad that's found everywhere.
Sometimes, a hawker trolley-full of papaya just isn't enough……
No need to waste all that money on cologne or perfume at KingPower duty free.
Just crack open a durian and take it back to your car or hotel room.
Durian is the "King of Fruit" and it has a crown of thorns to protect it.
Once opened it has a heart of pure evil that wafts through the air towards unsuspecting foreigners like Pepe Le Pew.
When you get used to the taste, it's pretty good. Like single malt, fine cheese or cigars.
Before you get used to the taste, the smell hits you like dirty babies nappies or a scat playroom.
Once you get used to it, you may need more durian. It's not hard to find.
Not smelly enough?
We can find you food items at Tak market that would make a skunk feel nauseous.
Along with the normally pungent gapi, we also have garish plastic buskets of slowly fermenting seafood that bubble like a dying Rotorua mud pool. Blup, Blip, Blup.
This is the 'aromas' section of the market.
I dare Heston or Ferran to blindfold people in a dark room and carry platefuls of this past guests with a soundtrack of slowly bubbling liquids playing in the background.
They could have served this for breakfast on the first day at Guantanamo and had things done and dusted by lunchtime. Game Over.